Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The worst thing that can happen...

I've been anticipating sitting down with the computer to blog all day, but I'm torn between keeping this a completely anonymous blog so I can be brutally honest and sharing with others that I'm keeping a blog. Perhaps I'll have two - and I can censor the one my friends and family know about!

So let's start with brutal honesty. When I start to tell my life story, I stand back and look at it and think, "Whose life was that, anyway?" I mean, if someone were to write all of this into a movie, people would be complaining that it was too far fetched. See if you agree.

I'm 41 years old, born and raised in California. I have a BA and an MA in Education and taught elementary school for about a decade. I met my husband at 17 and married him at 24. My mom died of lung cancer when I was 27, and the following month I had one ovary removed. My dad remarried when I was 28 and I stopped speaking to him soon after that. A few years later my aunt died (my mom's sister) and I became the matriarch of that side of the family. Meanwhile, we began the infertility rollercoaster, making several trips overseas for treatments and ending up back here in California to do highly specialized In Vitro Fertilization attempts. At age 33, on our 5th IVF cycle, I became pregnant with triplets that spontaneously reduced to twins by 10 weeks. At 22 weeks gestation I was put on full bedrest, but my body had its own plan and my babies were born by emergency C-section at 26 weeks, 4 days - over 3 months early. Both were doing very well but my daughter was given a platelet transfusion that was inadvertently contaminated and she died at 18 days. My son spent 82 days in the NICU and is now a healthy, happy 2nd grader. When I was 36, my next daughter (IVF #7) was born on her due date via a completely unmedicated vaginal birth. (She's now in Kindergarten.) At 37 we bought another house and began a HUGE remodel. At 38 we moved into the new house. At 40 we began our own business. And at 40 I discovered that my husband had had 6 affairs over the previous 6 years.

So that brings us to now...we are currently doing his, hers & ours counseling. Right now I am optimistic about the future of my marriage, but that can waver from moment to moment. So I have yet ANOTHER major life crisis to cope with. Can't I just press the "pause" button on the events in my life and catch up for awhile? I mean really, haven't I had enough? Or, as Mother Theresa said, "I know that God only gives you as much as you can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much!"

One of the things our pastor has said that has stuck with me, and applies so well in my life is: "The worst thing that can happen to us is never going to be the last thing to happen." Even the death of my daughter, definitely the WORST thing to happen, was not the LAST thing to happen. Life kept on going. So I know it shall keep going now, too, whether I'm ready or not.

OK, I'll get off my soapbox now...

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